A sex professional says we’re getting foreplay completely wrong – and the key to happiness is to rename it ‘before foreplay’ and broaden our definition of sex.
Sarah Riccio, 34, is a sex-positive activist and professional sex toy tester who believes we’re all still doing things wrong when we think about sex.
Sarah, from New York, said: “Most people still only think of sex as penetrative intercourse in the vagina, but the truth is that this is just one specific example of sex – there are many ways to have sex.”
She says one of the most common misconceptions is the idea of foreplay.
“Most adults don’t know what foreplay is,” she said.
“People think it’s just mouth and hands before ‘real’ sex, but it’s actually ‘coreplay.’
“Real foreplay involves all the non-physical things you do to increase arousal before physical play – they should call it ‘pre-play.’
Sarah believes that if an activity can result in an orgasm, it shouldn’t just be considered ‘foreplay’.
“If it can result in an orgasm, it is not foreplay, but joint play.
“Foreplay should not be considered a bonus part of sex play, but an essential part of the game that really sets the stage for a fulfilling experience,” she said.
Sarah argues that part of this misunderstanding often leads to situations where people, especially women, find themselves not quite in the mood when relationships begin.
“They don’t lubricate naturally, or penetration hurts because their arousal isn’t set up properly.”
Sarah was originally a bed tester after discovering a Craigslist ad in 2018, but then switched to testing sex toys.
“Thankfully it was legal and that’s where I developed my dubious product review skills,” she said.
It was while reviewing beds that Sarah met her future business partner Rose.
Two years later, in 2020, the pair lost their jobs due to the pandemic and launched a sex toy website – Delicto – in the summer of 2021, which sells sex toys as well as offers advice and reviews on them.
Sarah said: “I thought the only thing I wanted more than sleep was sex – so here we go.”
She encourages everyone to open their minds to broader definitions of sex and engage in conversations that are less shrouded in shame.
Sarah said: “I wish we, as a collective, would feel less shame about talking about sex, either to ourselves or to each other.”
“Most of us will experience it in our lifetime, so why all the shame?”
Pornography is another area where Sarah has views.
“A lot of people think porn is bad no matter what, but in the last decade, the industry has made some great strides,” she said.
She highlighted the rise of so-called ‘ethical pornography’, where sex workers and performers start their own businesses, rather than being part of big porn sites.
For Sarah, platforms like OnlyFans have been good for sex positivity.
“It’s kind of like a farmer’s market of porn, where young people can learn about kink or anatomy in a healthy and positive way,” she said.
On the other hand, she believes that mainstream pornography often perpetuates harmful ideas about consent, anatomy and pleasure.
Sarah said: “Many women and people with vulvas are convinced that if they don’t have labia minora, there’s something wrong with them.
While she also says the industry perpetuates the orgasm gap – where a man’s orgasm is prioritized over a woman’s.
In her line of work, Sarah provides comprehensive reviews of all the latest sex toys – and has personally tested over 150 different sex toys.
She said: “We provide sex education and advice and guidance on how to use them.
“When the business first started, we had our ups and downs, and at some point we thought, should we go back to working for the man?
“But now we are bigger than ever.”
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